the lake effect affect

the thing about typos

2009-02-18T22:30:00.003-05:00

My apologies for not updating sooner. Things have been a little crazy here in Western New York, what with the plane crash and all. It's quite sad and continuing news about the crash is overwhelming. On a more personal note, I've been busy settling in at my new job and by the time I get home and back from the gym the only thing I want to do is eat, sleep and watch: Monday - House, Wednesday - Lie to Me and occasionally Idol. Thursday - Grey's Anatomy... Television melts my brain for at least four hours a week (if you don't count the weekends and that fabulous cake show on the Food Channel) and I don't mind it a bit.

That said, the brain is not completely melted. Recently, I've seen a lot of advertisements for the Literacy Volunteers of Buffalo and their super cool Scrabble tournament fund raising event(s). They're inviting people to host their own Scrabble parties, charge entrance and donate the income to the cause. The winners of each party will then participate in a much larger regional tournament and everyone will be all Scrabbled out. Or something like that.

One of my deep, dark secrets is how much I love Scrabble. Okay, it's not deep or dark, but most people don't know how profoundly I dig this board game. At one point I went through a phase where learning all the acceptable two and three letter words was at once essential and crucial to my very existence. For me, acronyms like TWL, SOWPODS, OSPD, OWL seem as commonplace as LOL and BRB. There it is. I admit it. I'm a Scrabble dork.

I hit the Literacy Volunteers of Buffalo website to get some information on the multiple Scrabble tournaments. All profits will go directly to support Literacy efforts in Erie county. Can't go wrong there. An excellent board game for an excellent cause! The best part of the website mentions a Scrabble tournament just this Monday:

"President's Day Scrabble Tournament
Monday, Feb. 16, 2009, starts at 5:00 PM
Quaker Bonnet Eatery
RSVP: Quaker Bonnet 716-884-0435
Come dressed in your President's Day finest and test your vocabulary with dinner and a Scrabble contest. Cocktails begin at 5:00PM- Reservations needed.
$50.00 per person includes dinner ($30.00 donation goes to Liteacy Volunteers)"

Hilarious. What they failed to mention: any volunteers willing to help the Liteacy Volunteers with their literacy will receive free admission.

plane crash in buffalo

2009-02-12T23:17:00.004-05:00

An hour ago there was a plane crash about 20 minutes from here...in Clarence, a suburb of Buffalo. It just happened so there are very few details available. The plane hit a house, and with the weather as nasty as it is right now, they've quickly determined the flight was commercial, not private (unconfirmed reports say it's a Continental flight.) The house is completely gone, but luckily the elderly couple who lived in the home is "safe" according to reports.

Very sad. The morning news should tell the tale...

The thing about appliances

2009-02-11T22:32:00.003-05:00

For me, the frozen food section is not unlike many people's interest in match.com or eharmony.com: you're always a little interested what's available, but you know it's probably not good for you. But people keep browsing cliche profile pics and I always check to see if the saturated fat content has gone down on DiGiorno pizzas or that portabello mushroom stuffed ravioli...

In my latest quest through the freezers, I rediscovered Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. A throwback to my childhood, Toaster Strudels are the the dessert for breakfast my brother and I often craved and only rarely were given. Flaky, fried goodness stuffed with wholesome high fructose corn syrup fruit compote and piled high with do-it-yourself high calorie icing--this is a breakfast of champions.

I was eager to introduce my foreign beau to the joys of Toaster Strudel so I put him on the spot, right there in the middle of the aisle, freezer door open, "What strudel flavor will it be? Blueberry filling? Wildberry with that mystery blue icing? Ooooh! or Cinnamon Roll!?" Of course that's when I saw the inevitably-trumping cherry flavor and answered the question myself.

I was stoked; Toaster Strudel breakfasts here I come! Unfortunately, however, I remembered soon after I got home:

I have no toaster to toast my Toaster Strudel.

And that, my friends, is the thing about appliances.

the thing about the superbowl

2009-02-02T22:54:00.008-05:00

The Superbowl was kind of lame. I was rooting for the underdog, but no cigar...Alas. Most people don't really care about the game so much it seems. If you dig deep, or perhaps dig very little, in the collective American Psyche, one discovers that it isn't so much about The Superbowl. No. It's about The Superparty and Super Commercials. On a side note, this PETA ad was banned from the Superbowl (NSFW). Its intention is supposedly to encourage vegetarianism, though the FCC (or was it NBC?) disagreed. Either way, the true hilarity was uncovered when the CNN reporter charged with covering the story used a butternut squash to imitate a gun but ironically fell short, making an odd, somewhat phallic gesture with the vegetable herself.

Anyway, I keep getting hits on The Lake Effect Affect from people referred from google searching for "roof icicle removal." Obviously my blog is popping up in their query results due to this entry in which I talk about our Icicle of Death (which, by the way, remains and grows daily--it was almost within arm's reach the other day. I obviously had little luck with my removal techniques, so I'm not sure if I'm a good source of tips...However, I keep seeing commercials for cool stuff like this so that's my only icicle tip...I also dumped about 8 lbs. of salt on the driveway yesterday, focusing major effort under The Icicle where a large mound of ice (almost a stalagmite itself) has formed making driving precarious. Unfortunately, salt melt does not defy gravity and melt vertically.

I'll let you know. More snow is on the way.

The thing about grandmas

2009-01-30T11:52:00.005-05:00

This is a cheap shot for a blog entry, but it was too good to pass up.

My grandmother sent me an e-mail responding to my last post (yes, my grandmother is hip, tech saavy and Too Cool For School.) Anyway, she's currently boarding our two dogs at her house while my parents are on vacation. The dogs, Toto and Josie, yes, they're from Kansas, and yes, Toto looks like Toto, seem to be giving Grandma a bit of a hard time. For those of you who have seen or read "Marley and Me," you're on the right track.

Her e-mail included three post scripts. It's best if you read these with a Private Eye/Guy Noir inflection in your voice, particularly for the rubber band line.

"P.S.2 Josie got sick night before last, whimpered a lot, and at 4 a.m. I heard her throwing up. So at zero degrees, all dogs went outside whilst I put all Josie's kennel bedding in the wash and rustled up some more for her. Signs are that she ate a rubber band. Then this morning she had diahrrea in the front hall. I'm sure it wasn't Toto, because Josie disappeared quickly when I discovered it. I really do love having three dogs around!

P.S.3 It's Kansas Day!"

And that, ladies and gentlemen is my genetic lineage.

The thing about jobs

2009-01-28T18:15:00.008-05:00

I'm not one to dwell on tough times, but I can't ignore them either.

Yesterday, after nearly five months searching for full-time employment, I went to a temp agency to drop off my resume. Three girls were working inside the little office, all about my age. Humility is certainly in order when your minimum wage employment depends on the whims of 20-something women who spend the afternoons chatting American Idol and berating tardy workers twice their age over the phone.

I spent at least 30 minutes filling out a plethora of paperwork, of which only one page of was looked at during my interview. In the paperwork, I was asked about frequency of personal drug use (separate questions --with all the slang equivalencies-- for cocaine, marijuana, prescription drugs and don't forget, crystal meth) the likelihood of me roughing up co-workers, the possibility of me committing workers compensation fraud, the chance of me skipping work on a routine basis etc. etc. etc.

When I finished the first eight pages of questionnaires and surveys, I turned them in, only to receive the next battery of exams, this time a poorly disguised ethics quiz. Only somewhat ironically, the ethics test was given via palm pilot glued securely to a giant piece of acrylic plastic so as to discourage stuffing the thing in one's purse. Better proof would be: if you don't return the Palm, you fail the test.

The ethics portion drilled me over drug use, desire to steal and posession of slovenly traits. Again, I never saw the Palm pilot results analyzed, similar to all the other useless data they were attempting to collect on me. If anyone is actually dumb enough to admit to their drug addictions or voilatile tempers on job applications, this agency wouldn't know anyway because they barely take a gander at the paperwork...

The interview for Assistant to the Administrative Assistant (aka warehouse clerk) was brief, if uneventful. After concluding that my experience in other fields, university degree and bilingualism could, hopefully, substitute for the year of clerical work desired by the employer for a position entailing light manual labor, I was ushered into another room for 30 more minutes of--you guessed it-- MORE PAPERWORK.

If anything, the experience was a sad one. That securing employment requires the destruction of no less than 10 trees. That a hiring company would need to inquire about potential employees' drug use, violent character flaws and poor work ethic, and worse yet, expect someone to be stupid enough to answer affirmatively. That the sign-in sheet in the office was full of names and under the column marked "type of work desired" almost everyone had scribbled in all caps, "ANY." That the woman in front of me in line was orally padding her resume, shouting through the window with some desperation, "I once packed boxes for Wilson Farms!"

I am an intelligent, college-educated person. I can't get a job as a receptionist because I'm "over-qualified." Not even the grocery store has called me in for an interview. My mother got laid off last week from her nursing job of 20-some years. 100,000 Americans lost their jobs in just this week alone.

These are hard times and the desperation is palpable.

Tomorrow I have a formal interview to be the Assistant to the Assistant aka Warehouse Clerk. I have mixed feelings about it, but driving 30 miles to pack boxes and count inventory for $12/hour might be about as good as it gets.

The thing about icicles

2009-01-23T16:31:00.001-05:00

The Icicle of Death isn't going anywhere.

Thanks to the non-stop snowfall our roof has started accumulating vast amounts of ice. I've always found icicles quite pretty, but those of Buffalo take on a gargantuan quality that is at once impressive and intimidating. The largest of the icicles hangs over the driveway and our entrance to the house.

For the last 48 hours we've had a bit of a reprieve from the snow, even a heat wave on Thursday when we made it all the way up to 32°F/0°C!! I took the opportunity to wash my car which has taken a beating from all the salt on the roads, but the "warmth" didn't touch the giant ice stalactite. Today it's back to 11°F, and thus the Icicle of Death isn't going anywhere.

Fearing for my car, and more importantly, my life, I decided I needed to cut the icicle down to size a bit. I vertically chucked tennis balls at it for a while, hoping to knock it loose, with very limited success. Finally, I turned to a running shoe for better leverage, but still no luck. If it wasn't for the nearby windows, I would have resorted to something heavier, like a part of the Icicle of Death's smaller predecessor, the Icicle of Near Death, which fell last week from the same location:

Anyway, if anyone has any icicle removal suggestions, please let me know. I'm fairly certain one of these days I'm going to drive under it and it will come plummeting down, crushing my car and maiming anyone in my passenger seat. Seriously, this thing is huge! Since this picture was taken it's grown---now at least a foot in circumference!
Anyway, the snow is pretty at least. :)

the thing about the girl next to me

2009-01-15T15:22:00.003-05:00

I'm at the library and there is a girl sitting in the computer cubicle next to me. She's been there for a while, not that I'm paying much attention. For about a half hour she looked like she was doing normal computeresque things, browsing the internet etc., but about 10 minutes ago things changed. All of the sudden she just folded her arms and put her head down on the table in front of her a la Nap Style.

I don't particularly frown on sleeping in the library. You've got to do what you've got to do--but if you're occupying a computer station while you snooze, that's just kinda inconsiderate. Splaying yourself over the keyboard and letting the monitor idle is just not cool when there are people waiting.

I desperately wish I had a Kleenex for her. The poor thing is suffering from a nasty cold. About every 2 minutes (you can almost time it) she sniffles, huffing her runny-nose snot back into her face. There it was again.

*sniffle*

I might understand if it was really late or really early in the morning...but it's 3:30 in the afternoon.

Dear Girl Sitting Next to Me,
Take that exhaustion home, give it some NyQuil and put it to bed. Seriously though, one of those couches looks way comfier than that cubicle desk.
Love,
The Lake Effect Affect

The thing about gingerbread houses

2009-01-08T15:58:00.006-05:00

Making gingerbread houses is pretty great. For some reason I find it highly therapeutic. I wouldn't go so far as to say I possess much talent in this surprisingly challenging medium, but I still had a good time making and decorating them with my family.

This was the first house we made...
Snow covered chex-mix roof, sprinkles christmas lights, gum drop and chewy lifesavers windows, inward swinging French front doors, crystallized sugar icicles.

House #2: This is our LEED Certified Gingerbread House in which 99% of the decorating accoutrements were organic. If anyone needs lentils or orange split peas for soup, please let us know.
Piping bags are certainly fun, but more difficult to maneuver than they look like on the Food Channel.

This was what I would refer to as our "before" picture. As in, before this structurally unsound house hilariously imploded much to our dismay. We rebuilt, as any self-respecting American would after a natural disaster.

Seriously though, organic pinto beans? split peas? do I hear any takers???

The thing about the Wintry Mix

2009-01-07T15:46:00.006-05:00

I should amend my previous post. We've got a mad snow storm going on outside and my Gmail doesn't know it yet. It still has grey clouds hanging around. There's still hope.

Did you know it frequently snows sideways in Buffalo? On those days my house shakes fairly violently due to the wind.

Humorously, when I studied abroad in Seville, Spain I used to laugh at the local weather reports. Nearly every week would be like this, give or take 10 degrees:

Monday: Sunny, high of 85°F
Tuesday: Sunny, high of 79°F
Wednesday: Sunny, high of 80°F
Thursday: Sunny, high of 82°F
Friday: Sunny, high of 75°F
Saturday: Sunny, high of 78°F
Sunday: Sunny. One cloud might cross the sky around 3:07 p.m.

I exaggerate very little. Living in the Midwest most of my life, we have four, full seasons with plenty of everything: Sun, snow, rain, heat, wind, cold, ice, hail, tornadoes. etc. I found Seville's weather to be refreshing on the whole, but uncomfortable during the sweltering summer...

Here in Buffalo, the weather report is equally humorous in its repetitiveness. The little graphics on the weather forecast are not sunshine looking egg-yolks. Instead, they've been replaced by an all-encompassing graphic I like to refer to as "Wintry Mix." Wintry Mix (at least on the local tv stations) is often hard to distinguish from "Just Plain Snow." Meterologists use this ambiguity in their favor when predicting weather. Just like in Seville where it was sunny and hot, here in Buffalo they are confident in two things: It will snow. It will be cold. Any deviation from this standard is just a lucky break. And since the snow accumulation varies greatly depending on one's proximity to the Great lakes, the "Wintry Mix" icon always covers the bases.

So yes, it does snow here every day, even if it's just a few flakes. And yes, the forecast got it right, even if it's only sleeting, thundersnowing and raining at once. These are all variable components which can fall under the "Wintry Mix" icon. No need to check the weather or hire someone new for graphics, the "Wintry Mix" will be here until Aprilish.

The thing about e-mail

2009-01-06T19:00:00.003-05:00

You know you've been on the computer too long when your e-mail inbox knows it's snowing before you do.

Google, which as of late seems to own or have a hand in nearly every trendy internet tool, has been my reliable e-mail host since Gmail's invitation-only days. Recently they rolled out a series of fun themes for customizing one's Gmail inbox in their intriguing Labs sections. Themes is now its own page within settings but the Labs area is still a never ending shelf of new toys* for the sandbox.

I chose "Tree" as my theme, with little knowledge as to its purpose until the other day when there was an accumulation of snow all over my inbox. With its normal sunshiny affect, I was confused why snow was taking over. Until I looked outside.

It was snowing.

Typical. I mean, it's Buffalo. But still. My inbox noticed before I did.

Another day there were water droplets (and fairly cutesy realistic, I might add) all over my mailbox.

Indeed, it was raining.

Kind of cool, kind of creepy. Who needs windows when we have technology? (no pun intended)

* --A recent gander in labs listed e-mail gadgets such as "Mail Goggles," which allows users to set preferences forcing them to answer a handful of basic math questions in order to enter their mail after a drunken excursion (in not so many words). I haven't enabled this tool myself, but I certainly can imagine its applicability.

The thing about 2009

2009-01-01T19:06:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year
Felíz Año

Go see Slumdog Millionaire (then buy soundtrack) and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. And rent Persepolis.

Don't make a new year's resolution unless you're going to stick to it--that way you won't feel bad about falling short of your own expectations.

That's all I've got.

Lots of love to you and yours.

The thing about cousins

2008-12-29T03:42:00.004-05:00

This weekend was the annual holiday-imposed family reunion on my father's side of the gene pool. I always look forward to these gatherings with a mix of eagerness and dread. There's nothing particularly wrong with visiting The Family; everyone is cordial and the party snacks aren't bad. If anything, I should only laud my dad, aunts and uncles for their yearly efforts to reunite the group even as geography has separated us.

Unfortunately, as I have grown older, the social interactions required at said gatherings have become systematically and progressively more uncomfortable. While there's always the cousins' rehashing of fonder, childhood memories like which 9-year-old spelled out the naughtiness of Green Day lyrics to the youngins and who, until puberty, was 100% convinced Uncle Charlie had a flying dog who lived in his backyard, we have now added the awkward "semi-adult" conversations.

"Semi-adult" conversations are those in which the cousins (ranging from ages 15-26) air their parents' dirty secrets from college and adolescence which now seem totally absurd and/or sublimely hilarious. Aforementioned parent/aunt/uncle will then casually overhear conversation and additional hilarity or uncomfortable silence will ensue. Ideal topics include: college drug consumption, alcohol-induced stupidity, songs from the 70s.

The other type of "Semi-adult" conversations are those in which the "semi-adult" in all of us is exploited, often at our own personal expense. Typically these conversations consist of an individual cousin speaking to an individual uncle/aunt, however the occasional fluctuating ratio of participants from one generation to another can tip the life-success assessment scales in favor of the larger party.

You don't want to be on the awkward end of one of these chats. Older relatives seek out the youth and unintentionally scrape away at the few shreds of self-confidence most young adults possess. Everyone is well-intentioned but cousins are often forced to confront their current life crises in a up-beat, 10-minute pep-talk sort of way. In the worst of situations, cousins have to reiterate details of the preceding year's failures, dredging up all sorts of ugly repressed thoughts most of us don't want to think about in the privacy of our own heads, let alone discuss over Wheat Thins and a cheese ball.

Actual overheard examples include:

"So, when are you getting married?"
"Are you dating anyone?"
"Haven't you found a job yet?" (actually followed up with, 'have you tried funeral homes?')
"You still don't know what you want to do with your life???"
"Who will be the first to get married?"
"Are you still with so and so?" (typically responded to with some version of, 'It's been about a year, but thanks for reminding me')
and my personal favorite, "What are you doing in Buffalo?"

Now I realize that some people might look at this list and wonder why or how those topics should be avoided. But consider this when you're grilling the younger generation: do we ever turn the tables on you? How's your marriage? Worried about losing your job in this economy? Are you ever tired of living in xyz city? You look like you've put on a few pounds. Are you eating alright? Are you really happy doing that?

Nope. We very politely respond and attempt to distract from the unwanted attention.

As a collective whole this year, I think the cousins quietly acknowledged the desire to avoid such types of questions, but inevitably, everyone spends their time on the hotseat enduring varying degrees of humiliation. It's not as if there are a lack of personal joys or accomplishments that could be discussed. I am sure there are plenty, but the American Dream line of questioning is certainly the most popular. It goes like this:

Topic 1: Job/School or corresponding lack thereof
Topic 2: Marriage/Relationship or corresponding lack thereof
Topic 3: Life Goals or corresponding lack thereof

If you strike out on all three you're in deep crap, you could be on the hotseat for 20-30 minutes, or hours cumulatively if you're properly circulated between the elders. Even giving a mediocre response to one of the three can have you bumbling about for words until you panic and stuff your face with adequately messy spinach dip.

This year, at least, there were plenty of "semi-adult" beverages to ease the awkwardness, but still. If we only see you once or twice a year, at least afford us the social-norms and graces afforded to other similar acquaintances. Ease in to things and don't make it the inquisition or try to solve our life problems (or your perceived versions of our life problems) during a yearly dinner party. Conversations are a two-way street even if you changed our diapers.

And don't forget:
We love you.
Let's try to ease up on the Judgy Wudgy Bear Syndrome. I'll raise my spinach dip to that.

The thing about taxes

2008-12-22T13:20:00.004-05:00

Dear Gov. Paterson,

Are you crazazy? I mean budget shortfalls are nasty, even particularly ugly this year...but you seriously want to charge me or tax me *more* when:

I drink a coke.
I drink a pepsi.
I drink a glass of wine.
I have a beer.
I buy clothes.
I buy shoes.
I get my haircut.
I buy books on Amazon.
I watch cable tv.
I take a cab.
I enroll in state university.
I renew my DMV junk (which already costs a fortune).
I fill up my gas tank (the price of which has fallen, but still stays far above the national avg).
I buy an ipod (once in a blue moon).

I take a deep breath.
I'm sorry. Excuse me for living.

You're going to eliminate 521 state jobs. NYC will lose 1 billion in funding (bloomberg says that's about 12,000 city jobs). If NYC thinks it is going to suffer...Buffalo...oh, Buffalo. NYC's underestimated brother to the west has had an economy on the decline since about the turn of the century. And I don't mean the 21st century. I mean the one 108 years ago. This will not help things.

rough economy. yuck.

The thing about sayings

2008-12-13T12:23:00.004-05:00

My boyfriend just asked me if the phrase is:
"Rule of ThumB" or "Rule of ThumP"
His paper on neurolinguistics would have been much funnier if I had lied. I love foreigners.

The thing about Venice

2008-12-01T17:12:00.009-05:00

Venice is sinking or drowning, depending on how you look at it. The unique locale is currently underwater.

If you've never visited Venice, know it's as romantic as you would imagine and more expensive than you could possibly imagine. I visited this summer, in what I fondly refer to as my "Week of Pizza and Gelato." Pizza, it turns out, was the only food I could afford (€3/slice) and different flavors of gelato composed my vegetable and fruit intake. The Week of Pizza and Gelato. That sounds delicious. I know. Even in rosy-retrospect it sounds yummy. But let's just suffice it to say, there isn't enough spinach on those pizzas to fulfill your roughage needs and Gelato's high sucrose content pretty much cancels out the healthy fruit flavors.

How could one go to Venice and not sit down in a stereotypical cafe and eat a stereotypical meal with a stereotypical glass of red? It sounds almost sacrilege! Why not? €20+ euros a pop is why. Let's do the math. This summer, with the dollar-euro exchange fairly unfavorable, you could be spending upwards of $90 daily just feeding yourself. Tack on those obligatory trips on the water buses, the hotel/hostel, a trip to the top of St. Mark's bell tower, a museum entry and a few souvenir postcards and all of the sudden you're spending $200+/day.

If that sounds like pocket change for you, well, you should send some of that love my way.

Anyway, despite the incredible amount of tourists and steep prices, Venice is still fabulous. There are plenty of nooks and crannies to escape into and walking around is free and provides hours of entertainment. My only complaint: it rained everyday I was there. Intense, downpour rain. It would come and go, but then the sun would come out and dry things up. During a particularly intense downpour this summer, in which hail was present and tourists were forced to take cover inside stores and shops, I pondered the flood potential of 300 islands separated by canals lapping at their bases. It seemed inevitable. Indeed, this is the worst flood since 1966 when more than 6 feet of water inundated the islands. Of course in 1966 the city and tourist infrastructure wasn't nearly as developed. Today flooding means a different story.

Sadly, today Venice became fairly unnavigable sans overpriced gondola or waterbus. Five feet of floodwaters threaten 99% of the city, including the beautiful architecture and the Dolce and Gabanna store. I know most people are concerned about the latter. ;)

Let's do a before and after. *Starting in my trip in June:

When the waters are peaceful, they still are (literally) lapping at doorsteps.

A storm passing through in June. The water is already everywhere so flooding seems a logical evil. This tourist was taken out by a killer whale shortly after this photo was shot.

*I know Venice is the most photogenic place second to Iceland and I've demonstrate horrendous examples of this, but alas--they make my point.

Now pictures of Venice today (click here for more pics from Reuters, including D&G flooding):

Sad times in Venice, luckily no one has been hurt. I wonder if there are fish swimming around San Marcos. Does this mean it will be cheaper to visit next summer?...

Check out the pics.

The thing about parking

2008-11-19T18:06:00.003-05:00

I would just like to thank the guy who parked his little grey car outside my house. He parked it in front of my tragically narrow shared driveway and now neither my neighbors or I are going anywhere. My neighbor tried to leave first, honking her horn at first, hoping the park job was a quick fix. But on a Sunday at 11 a.m. no one wants to knock on every door in the neighborhood. After about 20 minutes of deliberation she resorted to calling the cops.

An hour or so later...
The cops came, gave the car a ticket and said the driver was from out of town aka likely college student. He assured us the tow truck was "en route" and he left.

Three hours later...

The police tow truck came. It hooked the car up, pushed it four feet, just enough to get it out of the path of the driveway and left it. Then it left.

Seriously? You've not only thrown a wrench in the day of one house full of people, but two, and all you get is a ticket? At any given moment there are no less than 60 cars parked on our street and somehow everyone else manages to avoid parking in front of the pathetic little driveways.

What's worse, the driver didn't return for the car until the next day meaning had we not called, we could have been stuck through Monday...eeek.

What really puzzles me about situations like this, is how confused the driver must have been when he returned to see a ticket on his car for parking poorly, when his car was now legally parked thanks to Mr. Tow Truck. Hmmm.

I'm sure the ticket was bad enough. Having your car towed would stink. But now that I think of it, being trapped in your house half the weekend stinks too... Maybe I'll send the photos to this website .

The thing about snow

2008-11-09T23:12:00.004-05:00

This just in:

Lake Effect Snow Warning tonight: 6"-12" snow expected in the next 24 hours.

On Friday it was 70°F/21°C and I had the windows open. Monday we're expecting 6" of snow. What a difference a weekend makes.

Only in Western New York.

Technical difficulties have kept me from updating for the last few days. My apologies, we'll be back online soon.

The thing about Halloween part 2

2008-11-02T16:33:00.000-05:00

This post has been delayed a bit due to technical difficulties when first published. Oh well. Enjoy the pics.

Two days before Halloween I was in the mood to carve pumpkins. Like decorating a Christmas tree before the holidays, it just seems like part of the obligatory festivities. We headed to Wegmans, my fav grocery store, (they should really pay me considering the amount of publicity I give them) to purchase said pumpkins.

Unlike hanging ornaments, you can't carve pumpkins too prematurely because, well, they'll rot. I figured two days in advance would keep the decomposition smell to a minimum when children dressed as zombies eventually came banging down our doors in search of high fructose corn syrup.

When we arrived, we were startled to discover there were NO PUMPKINS.

Zero. Mind you, this is a store that has fresh sushi and stuffed cornish hens in stock 24-hours a day and started stocking pumpkins in September---and now, two days before the big event and there are NO pumpkins?! They even had those teeny, wimpy pie-making pumpkins for sale in the veggie aisle, but nothing worth carving!?

What's worse, the customer service people said most of their stores within a 10-mile-radius were completely sold out. They didn't even have those great little pumpkin carving knives left over. Incredible. If Wegman's doesn't have it...no one will. Tragic.

Pumpkin shortage hits Western New York.

I started to regret not having bought a pumpkin at the Great Pumpkin Farm back in early October. Come Thursday we were about to throw in the towel, but my landlord had placed 5 (FIVE!!!) un-carved pumpkins on the porch and they were very tempting.

Lucky for us our landlord supports Obama and likes "spreading the wealth around." Specifically the pumpkin wealth.

We snagged two pumpkins and since neither us nor our landlord were going to be home to hand out candy, I carved one pumpkin with a helpful arrow for neighborhood children encouraging them to head to the next house.

Unfortunately, come sun down on Halloween, the first floor neighbor rang our doorbell and told us he was planning on handing out candy. Oops.

We suggested turning the arrow towards the house for good measure. Alas. It was fun while it lasted!

The thing about pumpkins

2008-11-01T13:02:00.008-04:00

A few weeks ago I mentioned a pie eating contest at the Great Pumpkin Farm in Clarence, NY. I was at the GPF covering The World Pumpkin Weigh-Off. I met a handful of really interesting folks whose principal hobby is growing ridiculously large pumpkins. They meet for competitions, sell winning seeds and exchange tips and war stories about growing ridiculously large pumpkins.

Like many hobbies, giant pumpkin growing can be a time-consuming activity. Here are some details:

1. To grow a giant pumpkin you must dedicate between 1-3 hours a day. Activities include, watering, weeding, fertilizing (never underestimate that last part,) and in one man's case, playing his pumpkin heavy metal music.

2. To grow a giant pumpkin you must plant early. We're talking March or April. Get those seeds in your favorite greenhouse or put them on top of your fridge to get them warm and sprouting. From there, various transfers might be necessary---especially in Western New York, where the weather can include hail, snow, ice, wind or rain nearly all year round.

3. Get the family involved. Naming your pumpkin might increase its self-confidence and speed up its growth.

4. Come October, dust off your forklift, oh wait, no forklift? Call a bunch of your heftiest friends and offer them beer to help move your gargantuan squash. If you've followed the above steps, your pumpkin probably weighs over 500lbs (226kls).

5. Decide what you're going to do with Your Pumpkin afterwards. Save the seeds? Genetics is important, after all. Carve it? Hide your children inside?...it's up to you.

Now that you know everything you need to grow a giant pumpkin, how about some motivational photos from the event?

That's 981 lbs., for those of you paying attention to the scale.

Transportation is an important consideration as well...

For those of you who don't succeed...well, 10lbs isn't so bad either.
The winner at 1075lbs.

The thing about Philadelphia

2008-10-29T01:07:00.000-04:00

I hate being a tourist.

I love seeing new things while traveling, "touring," for lack of a better word, but I hate being a tourist. However, this weekend in Philly I devoted myself to doing just that:

Being a tourist.

Standing in overcrowded lines, sitting in mind-numbing traffic, wading through massive tourist groups of Japanese teenagers...That sort of thing.

You cannot go to Philadelphia and not see Independence Hall, The Liberty Bell and the historic district. Or at least that's what I thought. The Bell is big and historically significant, but certainly nothing to get your panties in a pinch over. After a two-hour wait (partially in the rain) to obtain tickets to Independence Hall, I was unpleasantly surprised to discover that many guests bypassed the ticket line and were still allowed entry since no one was checking tickets. The guided tour was interesting, but I was kinda irked to hear,

"The only thing original in this whole building is that chair."

A CHAIR?

I just got tickets and waited for two hours while ticketless people cut ahead of me in line to see where the Declaration of Independence was supposedly painstakingly drafted in the suffocating heat of the 1776 Philadelphia summer and the only original thing you've got to show me is

A CHAIR???

Sure, it's a chair where George Washington and Ben Franklin sat now and again, but really? I could have watched National Treasure and gotten the gist of the place.

The building has been "historically renovated" to restore it to its "original splendor," but there's just nothing that original about renovation. I should give them credit for not charging for entrance, but it's still a big hassle getting in the place, even in off-peak season.

I realize it's a lot to ask that 200-year-old furnishings and artifacts are maintained, but the Colosseum has a higher percentage of original materials and I'm pretty confident it's more than 200 years old.

Okay, enough complaints about the chair. I probably could have avoided the debacle all together if I would have seen Jen14221's Philly tips on twitter, but I missed out. Maybe next time. On to the highlights instead...

The Philadelphia Cheesesteaks were good, my friend Christina took us to the original place, Pat's King of Steaks. I ordered it "wit" and with provolone, which in retrospect I realize was a mistake. Cheez-whiz is the only way to go.

The Eastern State Penitentiary is also well worth a visit. During October evenings it turns into a ridiculously popular haunted house, but with ticket prices starting at $20, it's worth seeing the place during daylight hours. I assure you, it can be equally creepy. The ESP is one of the world's first penitenitaries, with an estimated 500 other prisons in the world based on its model. It's creepy, decrepit, interesting, authentic and home to Al Capone's former jail cell.

My advice? When in Philly, skip the chair, go to prison.

The thing about gas prices

2008-10-28T11:49:00.005-04:00

This weekend I went on a little road trip to Philadelphia. I had mistakenly fallen under the impression that gas was exorbitantly expensive all over the country, but it turns out it's just the state of New York.

The moment we crossed the state line into Pennsylvania, the prices started plummeting. When we left Buffalo on Thursday we paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $3.45 and by the time we settled in in Philadelphia we were seeing $2.70 and lower! It's amazing what crossing the state line can do. I had heard rumors of the elusive $2.00/gal, but now it seems it's even making a comeback on the East Coast!

Fortunately once we returned, prices have gotten a little kinder. Today I saw $2.99 just up the street from my house. $2.99! I never thought I would be so excited to see prices so low. To be fair, the average local price in Buffalo is still $3.12, but the City of Brotherly Love is seeing $2.47 and the nationwide average is at $2.58...

The Gas Map, courtesy of BuffaloGasPrices.com, indicates the average price in each county via gradients of colors. Green is good. Red is Bad. You'll notice a nasty red blotch where I'm living. Even New York City, our downstate neighborhood to the east, shows minimal redness. Kansas, my former home, has a nice, friendly green hue to it.

So why are Buffalo's gas prices still $0.54 above the national average? Don't just say taxes. I'm sure you can come up with something more creative than that.

The thing about the weather

2008-10-21T23:14:00.003-04:00

My blog is called The Lake Effect Affect, so it's important that I finally note its origins for those not from the Buffalo area.

Lake Effect refers to snow or rain created when cold arctic winds meet warm air over lakes and dump a distinctive snow (or rain), on lee shores. That's lee shores. So there you have it.

Oh wait, you don't know what the heck 'lee shores' are? You've totally been slacking on your kayaking jargon. I'm from Kansas, you have no excuse. If you're really interested in lee shores, See wikipedia entry. It's not really important, the exact definition, except to say that Buffalo is situated on the LEE SHORES of Lake Erie, fashioning the stereotype that Buffalo is constantly inundated with snow.

Well. I haven't survived the winter yet, so I can't tell you if that's true or not. I can tell you, however, if this is any sign of what is to come:

Today we had our first snow flurries. October 21st.

So today, the Lake Effect Affect is cold---and just a little bit worr---err, excited about what's to come.

p.s. if you haven't watched the video in the last post, I promise it will make you laugh. I dare you to get up and dance with her.

The thing about 1992

2008-10-21T16:15:00.002-04:00

I just saw an eloquent, to-the-point video on Coffee and Grilled Cheese. Props for the post. Hilarious.

Vote, baby, vote! Are you registered, baby?

Thanks to MTV, 1992 and Deee-Lite for said video.

The thing about pleather

2008-10-20T15:51:00.003-04:00

This just in: Sarah Palin speaks at Colorado rally.
I couldn't help but be distracted by what she was wearing.

We all know how it turned out the last time we saw someone with an outfit like that:

...

The thing about lobsters

2008-10-19T17:19:00.005-04:00

As I pulled in to Wegman's Friday, I saw a giant sign where they normally boast their ridiculously large beer selection.

$6.99/lb. Live Lobster Sale! Fresh from Maine!

I can count on two hands how many times I've eaten lobster in my life, likely due to its cost-restrictive tendencies, but this is neither here nor there. I remember the experiences being near celestial.

After a quick cell phone call to my mother to inquire about what's involved in cooking live lobster, which seemed inhumane at best, it seemed I had no choice but to splurge.

"$6.99?!?! That's amazing," my mom said. "I've never seen anything cheaper than $10.99. Buy! Buy!" We are from The Most Landlocked State Known To Man, however. I'm sure $10.99 is a wicked deal in Kansas.

I ended up getting two - with taxes about $16.00. Pretty good for fresh Maine lobster, I understand. I've got to admit, I felt entirely awkward and cruel carrying live food around in a bag. The seafood man reassured me they would not escape in my fridge, but I kept checking on them all afternoon.

They looked at me with those bulgy, opaque lobster eyes. Complete disdain. My guilt was palpable, even as I googled the best cooking method. Another moment of reassurance came when I discovered that lobsters, like insects, supposedly don't have a nervous system so they can't detect pain. I guess when I slowly steam or boil their little butts to death, this should make me feel better. I don't know if this is true. Someone find out and tell me for next time.

I opted for steaming and felt bad about it until I started eating.

Lobster. Yum. I hope they can't feel pain or experience grocery bag trauma.

The thing about wings

2008-10-16T19:00:00.004-04:00

With all the non-stop chatter about American politics and the world economic melt down, I think some lighter, spicier fare is in order.

Buffalo Wings.

It's important to note, in Buffalo no one calls them "Buffalo Wings." Here, they're simply known as 'wings.' I suppose it's like going to Chicago and asking for a "Chicago Hot Dog" or to Philadelphia and ordering a "Philadelphia Cheese Steak." You just don't do it.

As the birthplace of the chicken wing, Buffalo has a slew of restaurants claiming to have the best wings in the city.

To be honest, I really never liked chicken wings prior to moving to Buffalo. Once you move here, however, you embrace drinking Canadian beer and watching hockey and then wings just come with the territory.

Without further ado, an amateur's guide to Buffalo's chicken wings.

The Anchor Bar: With their tell-tale state license plates lining the wall, this is supposedly where it all started. Tourists to Niagara Falls list it on their must-sees right after The Maid of The Mist. It's a little pricey compared to other wing dives, but it is "the original." I liked these wings, but popular Buffalonian opinion indicates it's not the favorite. I went for the medium and it was fairly mild. They won't let you mix and match your flavors for free, so expect to pay if you want to sample the various 'heats.'

Duff's: It actually burns when you walk through the door. The first breath in and you're already feeling the burn. Staffed with dozens of cute UB undergrads, this place gets points for character. In full disclosure, it's more of a dive than The Anchor Bar, but I suppose most people consuming food entirely with their hands aren't too picky, right?

Their claim to fame is "our medium is hot..." This is a slogan that should be taken more as a warning than with a grain of salt. After The Anchor Bar, I mistakenly ignored this fact and went for the medium. I regretted it not only during the meal, but the next day too. Duff's is nice because they offer package deals with a pitcher of pop or beer and french fries. They also allow you to choose how many of each flavor of wings you want. Want to try a suicidal, 5 mediums and 4 milds? No extra charge. Nice.

Gabriel's Gate: Buffalo Spree (see previous post) named Gabriel's Gate the best place for wings so we had to try them. Their medium was a comfortable medium and the prices are reasonable. They charge a few bucks if you want to customize your order. I can't say they were my favorite, that honor goes to Duff's, but the taxonomy decor, crazy late hours and authentic Buffalo feel makes Gabriel's Gate a close runner-up.

The thing about Iran

2008-10-14T22:47:00.006-04:00

My friend from Iran came to visit this weekend.

You can stop furrowing those eyebrows now.

Rife with politically incorrect jokes about the "Axis of Evil," he spent the weekend on the futon and caught me up on the life of an Iranian ex-pat turned American college co-ed. His father served as an Iranian diplomat throughout most of his life, meaning my friend grew up in Oman, India, Sri Lanka, Algeria and of course, Iran.

The various stints in other countries and an American undergraduate experience have given him a unique perspective, indeed. His parents have returned to Iran, but both his sister and brother are studying and working in the United States. He craves The Colbert Report, tried every flavor of frozen custard at Anderson's and implored me about the existence of Trader Joe's in Buffalo. Needless to say, he fully intends to become an American citizen.

Here are some of the fascinating highlights from the weekend per his commentaries:

Movies worth seeing: 2007's Academy Award nominated "Persepolis." To be honest, on a scale of one to ten, my knowledge of Iran was about a two. This movie bumped it up to at least a four or five. My Iranian friend says it's a fairly accurate portrayal of history (at least the last 40 years or so) in Iran, with many of the current issues presented still holding true today. And no, this movie wasn't shown in Iran.

On enriching uranium: He's not a fan of the current regime, so he was concerned about their ambitions. However, in defense of his homeland he said Iran, like many other countries, had signed the non-proliferation agreement and should be allowed to have nuclear energy, not weapons. His fear, like that of many, is an arms race that could be disastrous if left unchecked.

Persian vs. Farsi: Call the language Persian. He thinks it's weird when you Show-Offs call it Farsi. Why is it not called Iranian? In a nut shell, Iranians have always called their country Iran, but the rest of the world called it Persia for a long time. Once they decided to reassert their namesake, it took so long to get recognition, the language title more or less fell by the wayside. So in English, that means Iranians speak Persian. Not Arabic. It looks like Arabic because it's written with the Arabic alphabet, but just because French is written with the same alphabet as English doesn't make it English.

On the head scarf: Women are forced to wear them in Iran. SallyJaneTourist would even have to wear one. My friend doesn't agree with or like this rule.

On Niagara Falls: Amazing. Simply amazing. It's a shame he can't cross over to the Canadian side without a visa. Everyone knows the view is better...

Is everybody Muslim in Iran?: No. Are lots of people Muslim? Yes. Is my friend? No.

Is alcohol really illegal in Iran?: Yes, think Prohibition and you're on the right track. Has just about everything illegal gone underground under the current regime? Yes.

Do Iranians hate Americans: No, in fact, most Iranians have never met an American and would be very excited to meet AverageJoeTourist. They do, however, vividly recall the air strikes by Saddam and fear potential attacks of that nature.

Was your dad ambassador to America?: "Ambassadors/embassies/consulates are normally only in countries where relations are solid. Thus, there is no Iranian embassy in the USA and no American embassy in Iran." Third world countries have it kind of tough, he said.

Why there aren't tanning salons in India: "In India, there are more skin-lightening creams than there are shampoos for sale at the drug store." He admitted this was a slight exaggeration, but only slightly. Many Indians, he says, like in some other cultures, prize fair skin. He cited actual television commercials where Indians from southern provinces use the creams and exclaim a la American infomercial, "Now I look like I'm from such and such Northern province! (notorious for fairer skinned individuals)." And we thought all the rage was the bronzer the better. Now I find myself smearing on spray-on-tan and exclaiming, "Now I look like I'm from California!" It doesn't have quite the same ring.

The thing about ganache

2008-10-10T11:59:00.007-04:00

The other day after having a major craving for chocolate, I decided to try out a pastry shop in the neighborhood. It had been a long, rainy day and I thought it would be a nice pick-me-up.

As I purused the glass window full of yummy pastry goodness, I spotted what looked to be a dark chocolate turtle tart. It just said 'turtle tart' on the card so I asked the man working there if it was dark chocolate or milk chocolate. I didn't think my question was that out of the ordinary, but the man looked at me as if I had just insulted him, the store and his unborn child.

"Milk or dark chocolate?" he repeated.

"Yeah," I giggled uncomfortably, thinking he was making an awkward joke.

"It's ganache." With that it became very evident that he was very serious and that I might as well asked for a Hershey's bar.

"Ok. Ganache. I'll take one of those," I smiled uncomfortably and waited while he pulled my treat.

"There's no such thing as milk chocolate or dark chocolate," he muttered as he packed up the tart. Then he looked right at me and added in his snarkiest voice yet, "someone in Buffalo needs to be educated."

My shock completely shut down my comeback faculties. I replayed what he had just said over in my head, hoping the guy was joking, but there was no turning back.

The man went to ring up my credit card. I turned to my boyfriend, who was only half paying attention to this exchange, and said to him in Spanish, "if the guy wants to educate me, maybe he doesn't have to be such a jerk about it."

I got my tart and got the hell out of there, but not before the snarky clerk got in the last word yet, a mocking and horribly pronounced "hasta luego."

Don't stand between a girl and her chocolate. It's all chocolate. And don't be a snob, I'm the customer. I know what ganache is. I know what milk and dark chocolate are. And believe me, honey, they exist.

I wanted to like you Dolci Bakery on Elmwood, I really did. But that guy was such a schmuck, I vow to never go back and to tell everyone I know how rude the service was.

The thing about studies

2008-10-08T16:01:00.003-04:00

Road ragers: apply here.
That's what the ad should have said.

I saw one of those adverts for a study at a local university, no scary trial medicines involved, just driving. How bad can that be? They give you cash for driving. Right? Sounds good.

The woman at the research institute said I had to answer some preliminary questions to qualify for the study itself. After a few minorly invasive questions about my health history and a brief explanation about the nature of the study, the questions started. Actual questions like this:

"Do you ever purposely try to run other drivers off the road?"

From a researcher's perspective, this might be useful knowledge, but from a sheer ethical and moral standpoint, don't you want to do something if someone answers "all the time" or even "sometimes?"

Other questions included:
"How often do you try to get the best of other drivers?"
"How often do you overtake other drivers while passing them in the wrong lane?"
"How often do you get into arguments with other drivers?"
"How often do you swear at other drivers?"

I guess I'm way too mild a driver. I said 'never' so often, by the end I was desperately hoping they were looking for well-adjusted, mild-tempered drivers. Not so.

So. If you often want to "cut off another driver to get even" or "chase another driver," I've got the perfect study for you.

I just hope you don't live in my town.

The thing about pie

2008-10-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

Pie Eating Contests have always been one of those things I see on television and watch with a mixture of horror and awe. Similar to a presidential debate or Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest, perhaps one ponders the idea of participating, but quickly brushes off the idea to consider more likely, tasteful pursuits.

That was my official stance on the country fair pastime, that is, until Saturday.

I spent the morning at The Great Pumpkin Farm, reporting on the 26th Annual World Pumpkin Weigh-Off. More on that later.

The Great Pumpkin Farm in Clarence turns out to be the epitome of all things autumn related. It combines a 4-H fair, an amusement park and excessive pumpkin-themed events to create an All-American Saturday.

I know you're wondering of what I think an All-American Saturday consists:

Ponies and livestock: check
Ferris wheel: check
Overpriced fried food: check
Candied Apples: check
Food-eating competitions: check

I stumbled upon the latter, a Pumpkin Pie Eating Contest, while making my way to the corn maze. I told my friends I just wanted to see if it was as interesting in real life as on TV.

I would like to blame it on not having eaten lunch yet, because somehow the slices being set in front of contestants started to look more and more appealing. The ladies passing out the pie sensed my weakness.

"Come on! Try it! If you only eat two pieces of pie, no big deal! It's free!"

This was really all I needed to hear. Pie + Free in the same sentence. Never mind she rattled off the short list of rules quickly thereafter: No hands. Put them behind the back for good measure.

I was all in. Me, and about 20 other folks willing to sacrifice their dignity for some free pumpkin pie.

My approach was not competitive in the least. Leisurely pie eating (without looking like I was just in it for the free pie) we'll call it. I downed 4 pieces in 5 minutes. Not too shabby. The winners knocked out 11 and 10 pieces respectively. Somewhat cruelly, they were forced to do "eat-offs" after ties emerged.

No pie eating contest is complete without pictures........

What an informal eating contest looks like before the eating.

Mhmm. Pie.

The third place winner

The eat off for first and second place

The eat-off for first and second place

The winner proves it.

The thing about scams

2008-09-30T16:31:00.003-04:00

I've been cheated.

The Ol' Canadian Coin Switch Up strikes again.

Yes, being from the Midwest this has been a startling new discovery. It turns out that many Western New Yorkers are familiar with this scam.

A cashier hands you some change, and you, the trusting individual, simply eyeball the coins. You walk out of the bank, store, restaurant, gas station etc. none the wiser.

It isn't until you need that nickel or empty your pockets that you discover that what you thought was an American quarter is actually a Canadian quarter and what you thought was a shiny American nickel is actually a Canadian nickel. (The picture above is a mix of Canadian and American coins, can you tell the difference?)

At this point one's ethics comes into play: do you pass the coin forward and hope no one notices (as so unfortunately happened to you) or do you cut your losses and hold on to it for your next trip across the border?

I've opted for the latter, but it still kind of bugs me. It's pocket change I admit, but after some rather unscientific polling in line at the post office today, it sounds like banks, restaurants and other legit entities have been known to pass on the tender as fraudulent American money.

I would like to believe that it's all exchanged in error and that people are simply passing on the same mistake, but the buck has to stop somewhere. No pun intended.

No doubt the proximity to Canada brings the coins into circulation in America on a daily basis (and vice versa,) but the ones who lose out are those of us who aren't border hopping regularly .

I'm losing about 6 cents to the American dollar for every nickel and quarter of mine that turns into Canadian money and that's not even taking into consideration the very unlikely possibility that I'll use these coins in Canada any time soon.

So I'll be more vigilant, but you should too, Mr. ClerkWhoGivesMeCanadianMoneyinAmerica.

Besides, I really need those quarters for the laundromat and the washers and dryers CAN tell the difference.

The thing about names

2008-09-28T22:00:00.001-04:00

I had a conversation with a gentleman Saturday who kept referring to me by the wrong name. The entire time. On the awkward spectrum, this ranks fairly high because both parties involved can easily become embarrassed if the truth is revealed.

For his purposes, I was "Barbara." To be sure, NOT my name, not even a very pretty name (no offense Barbaras.) Not once, not twice, at least five times he referred to me as such. I could have corrected him, but by the time I realized his error was not actually an allusion to another woman, it was too late.

I was Barbara. I felt bad correcting him so late in the game, even though we had just become acquainted half an hour earlier. His mistake, so why should I be embarrassed? Good question.

I reasoned he associated my last name with a famous Barbara of a similar last name and thus when searching for my first name when memory failed, he remembered my memorable last name and went for the familiarity point.

What kills me is how someone can manage to say your name that many times in a conversation. Not only say it, but say it wrong.

Perhaps I'm unusual, but I rarely say someone's name while conversing with them. In fact, if I even slightly doubt my name recollection, I will entirely avoid naming names all together.

Think about it:

"Hey, how are you?...So how's work at such and such...Have you ever gone grocery shopping at Wegman's? Oh really, they sell pickled pigs feet?" That sort of thing.

No need for first names. That's not saying you have to be impersonal, but practical.

When in doubt, my name isn't Barbara and you don't ever have to reference me when we're already speaking face to face.

Ok, John? or was it Ralph?

The thing about learning a foreign language

2008-09-26T12:51:00.000-04:00

Last night my boyfriend got some disturbing news.

He was busy grading his students' Spanish compositions, which keep him abnormally busy as they are usually riddled with grammatical errors, when one student's composition revealed a startling detail about her dog.

"Mi perro Jack tiene dos anos."
translation: My dog Jack has two anuses.

She was likely going for "My dog Jack is 2 years old" but leaving the ˜ off the ñ sure makes for a fun read. Luckily she followed it up with,

"Mi otro perro solo tiene un ano"
translation: My other dog only has one anus.

Español 101
ano = anus
año = year

Good to know.

The thing about lists

2008-09-25T10:53:00.000-04:00

The September edition of Buffalo Spree magazine is all about the "Best of WNY." I love "Best of" lists as much as the next VH1 junkie, and I've taken it upon myself to try out all their picks. Nevermind it could take a year. Or two. From best pho to best margarita, I'm trying to knock a few things off the list every week. To be fair, I have nothing to compare their picks to except for judgment by my own humble palate, so this is a rather unscientific sampling. Here's what I've tested:

Chocolate/Candy: Choco-logo --- Great for a post-DMV pick me up. Pretty much the most fabulous chocolate ever. Whole, creamy and completely delish. A little pricey for my tastes with specialty chocolates for 19.99/lb., but the prices keep my calorie count in check.

Enchilada: La Tolteca --- There were so many enchilada choices I wasn't sure which one Buffalo Spree was referring to, but my pick (one cheese, one beef, one chicken, one bean) was delightful going in and amazingly didn't leave me with that tell-tale "you've-over-eaten-at-a-mexican-restaurant"-feeling.

Margarita: La Tolteca (see above) --- The waitress recommended their $9.99 better-have-a-designated-driver 16 oz. margarita. On the rocks and with salt, it had more alcohol than I expected, but it went well with the Enchilada.

Bread: Wegman's --- My boyfriend is European and craves their baguettes.

Pho: Red Pepper --- I didn't know what Pho was before eating at Red Pepper. I certainly didn't know that soup could be served in such mass quantities that it quickly becomes a left-overs item. Spicy and light, it's an excellent option for a quick lunch or a cold winter day.

Place to throw a party: Pearl Street Brewery --- We tried Pearl Street for my boyfriend's birthday party and while I enjoyed the atmosphere, I can't say it was that much more impressive than an average bar. Judging by the number of couples having their wedding receptions there (two), the upper floors might have something I missed. I will give them props for their signature "Trainwreck" home brew.

Frozen Custard: Anderson's --- Last night I tried a swirl of vanilla and pumpkin custard. I needed a little pick me up after the president interrupted "America's Got Talent" for "America's Got Problems." I highly recommend Anderson's as a good investment for stimulating the economy...

So those are 7 of the 189 winners. I could be at this for a while...

The thing about Buffalo

2008-09-23T13:09:00.000-04:00

Buffalo, it seems is like Cutco knives: A tough sell until you personally see the kitchen shears cut the penny in half. I know this because I'm from Kansas. A state that at best has people assuming you've spent your life in a small farm house in the middle of a field a la "Little House on the Prairie" and at worst compartmentalizes your existence into a tornado of cliches from The Wizard of Oz.

It was with that in mind that when I told friends I was moving to Buffalo, even the Kansans thought I was a little nuts. One Michigan friend summed it up quite succinctly on facebook, "Buffalo? You're kidding...what the (expletive) is in Buffalo?" I didn't think that was very nice, but when the lady at the DMV asked me three times (I couldn't tell if she was kidding or serious) to confirm I really wanted to move to Buffalo, I started wondering the same thing.

I got here just in time to enjoy the end of summer; the summer being a major gloating point for Western New Yorkers. "Yeah, the winter can be a little rough, but the summers are to die for!" This is promising sentiment but since the summer has quickly turned to fall, I guess I'll have to wait for next April for the snow to melt (or is it June?) and bust out the t-shirts once again.

I'm discovering each day is full of kitchen shears-cut-penny-type surprises, however. Those are the good ones, kind of unbelievable and impressive. Grocery stores, for example. Buffalo Grocery stores leave me flustered. I joined the Lexington Co-Op to satisfy my crunchy tendencies even before I found Wegman's, a store with an enormous range of services and goodies that will no doubt become a bi-weekly event. Elmwood Village and Allentown are filled with enough urban hipsters, boutiques and kitch little restaurants like Betty's Place to make any culture snob rethink their opinion on Buffalo.

So I'm trying. Trying not to hate the 19 stoplights within a 2.5 mile stretch of Main Street near my house, trying not to wreck my car while driving up my 6 foot wide driveway squished between two of those fabulous Victorian style Buffalo homes. Trying to make it to the Farmer's Market on Saturdays, to the gym on Mondays and make some new friends in the mean time.

Who knows...maybe even a job if Buffalo is really kind to me...