The thing about appliances

For me, the frozen food section is not unlike many people's interest in match.com or eharmony.com: you're always a little interested what's available, but you know it's probably not good for you. But people keep browsing cliche profile pics and I always check to see if the saturated fat content has gone down on DiGiorno pizzas or that portabello mushroom stuffed ravioli...

In my latest quest through the freezers, I rediscovered Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. A throwback to my childhood, Toaster Strudels are the the dessert for breakfast my brother and I often craved and only rarely were given. Flaky, fried goodness stuffed with wholesome high fructose corn syrup fruit compote and piled high with do-it-yourself high calorie icing--this is a breakfast of champions.

I was eager to introduce my foreign beau to the joys of Toaster Strudel so I put him on the spot, right there in the middle of the aisle, freezer door open, "What strudel flavor will it be? Blueberry filling? Wildberry with that mystery blue icing? Ooooh! or Cinnamon Roll!?" Of course that's when I saw the inevitably-trumping cherry flavor and answered the question myself.

I was stoked; Toaster Strudel breakfasts here I come! Unfortunately, however, I remembered soon after I got home:

I have no toaster to toast my Toaster Strudel.

And that, my friends, is the thing about appliances.

The thing about lobsters

As I pulled in to Wegman's Friday, I saw a giant sign where they normally boast their ridiculously large beer selection.

$6.99/lb. Live Lobster Sale! Fresh from Maine!

I can count on two hands how many times I've eaten lobster in my life, likely due to its cost-restrictive tendencies, but this is neither here nor there. I remember the experiences being near celestial.

After a quick cell phone call to my mother to inquire about what's involved in cooking live lobster, which seemed inhumane at best, it seemed I had no choice but to splurge.

"$6.99?!?! That's amazing," my mom said. "I've never seen anything cheaper than $10.99. Buy! Buy!" We are from The Most Landlocked State Known To Man, however. I'm sure $10.99 is a wicked deal in Kansas.

I ended up getting two - with taxes about $16.00. Pretty good for fresh Maine lobster, I understand. I've got to admit, I felt entirely awkward and cruel carrying live food around in a bag. The seafood man reassured me they would not escape in my fridge, but I kept checking on them all afternoon.

They looked at me with those bulgy, opaque lobster eyes. Complete disdain. My guilt was palpable, even as I googled the best cooking method. Another moment of reassurance came when I discovered that lobsters, like insects, supposedly don't have a nervous system so they can't detect pain. I guess when I slowly steam or boil their little butts to death, this should make me feel better. I don't know if this is true. Someone find out and tell me for next time.

I opted for steaming and felt bad about it until I started eating.

Lobster. Yum. I hope they can't feel pain or experience grocery bag trauma.